Rafael Nadal, Tom Brady, and Michael Jordan are not the most gifted and talented at what they do.  Yet, they are the best in their field.  There is no question that they are so hungry.  Yet, they are like everyone else.  They lose games and matches.  They get in stages where nothing is going right.  Yet at the end of the day, they are champions.

What keeps them going when it is easy to give up?   They are all resilience, and they have more resilience than their opponents.  They are mentally tougher and play their best at the most critical moments.

Resilience is an essential skill we all need to acquire.  It is not just solely for the athletic field.  We need it for our business, relationships, health, and emotions as well.  We are going to have stress in our careers as well as our family life.  We need resilience to handle the most difficult circumstances.

Here are three steps we need to develop resilience:

1. Be true to yourself.  Know who you are on the inside.  Know what you are good at and what you need to work on.
2. See the negatives as positives.  A setback is a setup for a comeback.  Understand that life is ALWAYS happening for you, not to you.
3. Do the preparation ahead of time mentally, physically, and spiritually.  We all need to develop a practice in all three areas.

The quality of our life is the quality of our emotions.  I truly believe that the purpose of life is to be fulfilled which means to live with joy, love, passion, and play full out.  Unfortunately, there are also many emotions and actions that prevent us from being fulfilled.  It is very easy to fall in the trap such as anger, constant sadness, stress, and frustration.  These emotions will cause us to suffer, and suffering is the opposite of fulfillment.

Yet, I believe the biggest enemy of fulfillment is the easiest to catch.  The number enemy of fulfillment is complacency.  It is the number one enemy because complacency sneaks into our sub conscious mind and sticks to it.  Most of us are neither fulfilled nor depressed or at rock bottom that will motivate us to change.  Our lives are comfortable.  We sometimes feel the joy.  However, we don’t feel it consistent enough.  We also don’t feel the constant sadness and anger or at a deep level that will get as to take action.

So how do we avoid getting complacent, so we can live a rich and fulfilled life?  I believe there are four ways to avoid complacency.

Here are the four actions we need to do in order to avoid complacency:

1. Constantly mix routines up.  This might sound a little simplistic.  However, breaking small routines will wake the conscious mind.  Change the way you commute to work.  Change up your routines like brushing your teeth.  Brush your teeth with the opposite hand.
2. Tell your accountability buddy what is keeping your complacent and what actions and activities did you do to take you out of your comfort zone.  (daily or weekly)  I would recommend daily if you are stating out.
3. Keep remind of yourself of the short time window.   Life is short and sometimes we are quick to forget it.

4. Constantly remind yourself of what is your why.  It is not a how problem.  It is a why problem.   What is your why?  Always carry your “why” with you constantly.

As many know, two of my passions and loves is sports and self-development.  As in my book, “The Big Four”, athletes and sports provide a great metaphor for life and success leaves clues.  For Jerry Rice, this was certainly the case.

Who is Jerry Rice?  He is an all-time NFL leader in receptions, touchdown receptions, and yards. His career record stand at 1549 receptions for 22, 895 yards with 197 touchdown receptions and 208 total receptions. His career points stands at 1295, which makes him the highest scoring non-kicker in NFL history. He is a three time Super Bowl Champion with the San Francisco 49ers, including one Super Bowl MVP.  Jerry was also ranked as greatest football player of all-time in 2010 by the NFL Network in their show, “NFL’s Top 100 Players of All Time”.  Jerry was inducted to the Hall of Fame in 2010.  Year in and year out, he was the most feared opponent for other NFL defenses.

As a result, Jerry Rice was clearly the Michael Jordan, Serena Williams, Wayne Gretzky, and Tiger Woods of the NFL.  He was simply the best.  He was able to perform at a high level for nearly 20 years in the NFL.

What made Jerry Rice the best?  Was it natural talent?  Outstanding speed?  No and no is the answer.  Jerry actually ran only a 4.71 40 yard dash.  For those like me who are not familiar, that is fast for a lineman.  However, a 4.71 40 is very slow for a skilled position player.  There have been many other players and athletes who have run a much faster time.  Also, Jerry was drafted in the middle of the first round in 1985.  He was not considered a top prospect to come out of college into the NFL.  Fortunately, for the 49ers, Head Coach Bill Walsh saw it differently.  Bill Walsh saw Jerry Rice perform one night on a highlight reel and was completed hooked on a wide receiver from a little known school called Mississippi Valley State University.

So what truly made Jerry Rice the best?  Jerry became the best because of his mindset, commitment to the game, and his willingness to work harder than anyone has ever in the sport.  There was no one more dedicated to his trade than Jerry Rice, period.  Jerry’s offseason regimen was even tougher and more demanding than anyone else.  Jerry made sacrifices that other players were not willing to make in order to become great at his trade.  One example was that a week after the 49ers won the Super Bowl, quarterback and Super Bowl MVP Steve Young came to the team’s facility to clean out his locker and get his belongings.  Steve hears something and peaks out in the back.  What Steve Young sees is Jerry Rice working out and doing routes on the practice field.  Instead of celebrating a Super Bowl, Jerry is already getting prepared to win the next Super Bowl.

Jerry continued throughout his career to compensate for his lack of natural speed.  Jerry was obsessed with mastering receiver routes on the practice and always seemed to find a way to get past an opponent and not be caught after catching the ball.  Rice was incredibly disciplined and prepared on the field.  His conditionally allowed him to be refresh late in the game and when the game was close.  It gave him a decisive edge over his opponent.

In addition, Jerry had this hill that was 2 ½ miles that he ran everyday on.  I believe to this day he runs this hill long after retirement.  This hill was a beast, and Jerry conquered.  Jerry would take fellow superstar teammates throughout the years on the hill with him.  There was no player that could keep up with Jerry Rice.  Once a player thought he was going full out, Jerry would accelerate the pace.

There is also a sense of humbleness and leadership by example Jerry constantly displayed.  It was routine during quarterback and receiver drills to run the play, make the throw, and the receiver to make the catch and play.  Once the play was complete, the receivers would go back and either walk to job back to the quarterback huddle.  Jerry, however; sprinted back to the huddle.  Jerry kept on doing this over and over again.

Another trait of Jerry’s was to show up to rookie camp and work and play with the rookies.  His message was that if he is there and doing everything to make the team, the rookies needed to do the same thing.  Jerry wanted to teach the rookies on what it takes to be a success in the NFL.

Lastly, Jerry was driven by fear and used fear as a friend.  He had a fear of being cut from the team and also feared if he made the team he would not start.  Jerry used fear on the field during a play, where he feared of being caught and tackled instead of scoring.  As a result, Jerry became the all-time leader in touchdowns scored.

We can definitely apply Jerry’s principles in every area in our life.  How can we become the Jerry Rice of our life?

1. Be addicted to hard work.  There is no shortcut to putting in the work.  We have to work and practice in our trait and be totally dedicated.  It will lead to mastery.  Make the commitment.
2. Find ways to compensate on your weakness that will enable to grow and get to the level you need to.  Jerry knew he was not the fastest person on the planet.  Thus, he need to find ways to compensate for his weaknesses.
3. Lastly, we need to lead by example and remain.  No matter what we accomplish, we need to give back and never be above it.  Jerry was never above helping out rookies who were trying to make the pro level.  Jerry has never been shy on sharing his success story.  Jerry is completely transparent on how he was able to get to the level of being the greatest NFL player ever.

I am going to be vulnerable here.  I truly struggle in social situations and have struggled with it through most of my life.  Having a case of shyness and social anxiety of some extent has been extremely difficult and at times prevented me from having the life I truly want.

I also know that I am not alone feeling awkward in social situations.  Some have it even worse than I do, where one could even be afraid to go to the store.  Yet by me sharing and completely being authentic, I know I can help others face their fear of being in social situations.

We know social anxiety and shyness occurs with us being among friends, at a party, approaching a guy or girl, or even a one to one interaction.  However, social anxiety also occurs in day to day life, in business, talking to a someone who you need assistance like a repairman, and of course at work with customers and colleagues.  It can be very uncomfortable and frightened for some.  More importantly shyness and social anxiety can crush peoples dreams.   It can kill a dream job and can kill having that dream relationship.  It also profoundly affects motional and spiritual life.

Fortunately, I have learned to deal with this dilemma  I have met this challenge head on by admitting that I can be shy and afraid to speak up.  I have also put myself in situations where I get uncomfortable and step up.  David Goggins states that we should never triple down on our strengths, but work on our weaknesses and make them strengths.  If we know that this process is going to suck and know we will be better for it, we do it.

Finding a cure all for social anxiety and shyness does not exist.  We need to work at it and practice it everyday.  There is no magic pill.  Yet, there are strategies we can implement and work on overcoming shyness and many other areas in life we want to enhance.

Here are some strategies that have worked for me.  I am not saying they are the solution.  However, it has worked for me.

1. Get Uncomfortable.  I already mentioned this.  Yet, shy people love to get in this comfort zone and don’t want to leave it.  However, we need to get out there and be awkward, say something that you know you might feel humiliated, approach that girl or guy.  My friend was once a dating coach for men.  His first strategy for his clients was to go to a club, bar, or mall and get rejected at least 10 times before the night was over.  The next night he had his clients do it again.  Face your demons and fears head on.
2. Make eye contact with others, stay in the moment, and listen to their story.  Showing that you care for another person and their story is very powerful.  I know for me, I live too much on what’s ahead and stay away from the moment not realizing that there is another human being.  Ask open ended questions to that person on what they’re passionate.
3. Get in a beautiful state.  By changing your state, you change your emotions.  If you feel anxious change your state.  Our emotions have the ability to control everything in our lives.  We can change our state in many ways.  The easiest way is to changing your physiology.  Stand up or sit up state without slouch and smile will change your state radically.  Take the time to make sure that your mindset is positive and resourceful.  We can do this by getting up going to the gym, meditate, or listening to music.  Watch YouTube videos that will empower you to get in a state where you are socially confident.
4. Have compassion for everyone.  Similar to the # 2, we have to be able to give back and show we care.  We never know what another person is going through.  Coming from a loving place.  If you come from a place of giving and caring for another person without focusing on yourself or your needs, shyness and anxiety will disappear.

There are three main reasons why we are not happy in our life.  They are:

1. We have rules that make it extremely difficult and nearly impossible to be happy.
2. We are not growing and improving ourselves.
3. We are not giving and loving others on a consistent basis.

It is that simple.  The fact that we have these three rituals in our life is why we cannot have joy on a consistent basis.  We are always concerned about our happiness, but we still are not.

By having rules that make it challenging, we say to ourselves, “I will be happy if …………………” ,  or “When…………………happens, I will be happy”.  Why not just be happy now?  It is all in our rules.  How many times have we said, I will be happy when I graduate college?  Have we ever said, I will be happy when I have that great relationship, job, house, car, etc.?   All of us are guilty of it.   What happens?   We find ourselves not happy.  We look for something else to be happy.   Happiness comes within.  I know that you know that.  Yet, we are still not doing it.  If you not applying what you know, then you really don’t know it.

The other reason we are not happy is because we get comfortable and complacent in our lives, and there is nothing more dangerous than that.  By getting comfortable, we think we are happy.  However, nothing could be further from the truth.  Remember that time when you really struggled at something, but made incremental improvements?  How did that feel in the moment?  By stepping up and getting just 1% better each day will make a year from now extraordinary beyond belief.

Lastly, we all get caught up on focusing on ourselves.  I am very guilty of it.  Yet, we have to give back.  We need to give back to our family, friends, and loved ones.  We also need to give back to those we never met or never will meet.  It is crucial to feel that something to always want to give and add values to others.  This is where joy and abundance comes from.